Or so I thought.
The other night, I was sitting on the couch taking a break from...well, everything (packing, cleaning, work, etc). Rocky was staring at me and began to whine and growl. I asked him in my best excited voice, "You wanna go outside?!" His ears perked up and I took that as a yes. My whole day had been just shy of horrendous, so I should have known not to step foot back outside.
I took Rocky to the back door, flicked on the overhead light outside (not a bug light, I might add), slid on a pair of Ryan's shoes (so I wouldn't have to mess with laces) and opened the sliding door. It had been unseasonably cool lately so the bug factor was relatively low, and that night was no different. I walked outside with Rocky in tow and clipped him to the yard leash that is staked out in the middle of the backyard. Rocky immediately began running in circles as fast as possible for a few laps and then proceeded to relieve himself. Good dog.
I unclipped Rocky and he took off at a sprint into the house. The floor inside the back door is linoleum and everytime Rocky sprints inside he slides a good 5 feet into the opposite wall. Tonight was no different. THUNK!
I was walking back to the door, thinking how amazing it is that Rocky doesn't seem to remember running into the house results in the same outcome everytime. As I am thinking this I approached the back door not paying attention. I started to step through when I see it. There, hanging in front of me is a brown spider....twelve eyes, drool, the whole deal. Now, I am about 1 inch from this creature and I feel my eyes widen as I tried to stop my body from moving through the door. Out of pure reaction I immediately began to contort into a limbo type move, trying to avoid the eight legged assassin. My mind is screaming at me, "OH MY GOD! IT FOUND ME!!!" and my mouth is pressed closed so it doesn't try to go all kamikaze down my throat.
Being a person of habit, that fight-or-flight mechanism once again kicked in and my hand instinctually flew up and batted the spider away. This time it flew to the side, hit the doorframe and came back at me like a bullet. Now, I'm not super limber, so this limbo/
Matrix move that I initially made is not something my body is able to sustain for prolonged periods of time. The amount of time that has passed was probably half of a second, but -since Albert Einstein said that time was relative- to me it felt like 30 minutes. My legs decided to straighten, my back decided to cramp, and apparently my head decided to weigh about a million pounds. Thus, I ended up flat on my back half in and half out of the back door.
So here I am lying on my back and my eyes have not left the stalking spider swinging wildly in the door. Because it's mission to scare the living shit out of me was fulfilled, it crawled back up to the top of the door and disappeared. I couldn't believe it...it found me. 7 years later...it found me.
