SNOOZE DANG IT!

I have hit a very weird, chaotic time in my life. I feel it coming like a tidal wave while I am standing with the water slowly inching up above my ankles to my knees. You can't describe the feeling unless you have been here before. I used to laugh (on the inside) at women who spoke of this, thinking "I won't have that problem." or "No way. I have my job, and a good life so I'm set. That is all I need."

I can't really tell you when it happened, but it just...happened. I woke up one morning and hit the snooze button on my alarm clock; only, I could still hear it. That annoying, computerized, nails-on-a-chalkboard, high pitched ringing. But this was different...it's not that I could just hear it, but I could feel it. I realized quickly that this wasn't my same alarm. "What the...?"

Holy crap. I thought maybe I had dodged it like a super stealthy dodgeball player- Vince Vaughn eat your heart out. Who am I kidding?! I always sucked at dodgeball!! I should have known! Maybe I was complacent in hitting the snooze button for so long that I missed it this time? Maybe my snooze button is on the fritz and it'll reset on its own? Maybe not. Never the less, here it is. My biological clock....yelling at me for ignoring it for so long. I wasn't ready. I never really thought about it. I was and still am too selfish. I blame people. I blame friends. I blame family. I blame society. I blame...no one. This is all me. Maybe its a trend of things that has cut the wire to my snooze button. My "work spouse" (Troy) adopted a baby last spring and she is absolutely precious. My friend Stacy, that I hang out with a lot, has two completely adorable little girls. My SIL has three hilarious and precious little boys. I recently joined Facebook and have reconnected with a ton of old friends from college and high school...they all have kids (for the majority). I'm surrounded.

After a few days of this screeching in my body, I finally brought it up to Ryan. We talked for a long time about what we wanted. When is the right time? What if it doesn't work out? What if we can't? What if something goes wrong? What if everything works out perfectly? Are we ready financially? Are we ready emotionally? These are all things we don't know...still. All we do know is that nothing will happen right away. We just bought a house and are settling in. Basketball is kicking up. We are just going to roll with it and when we feel ready...we will just see. No pressure. No expectation. Just live our life together and see. It is something that we want and we know it won't be easy. Only time will tell.